Thursday, December 16, 2010

Rainbow Baby

What is a rainbow baby you ask? I've got one so let me tell you! This is what they explain in the "forum" world as a baby after a miscarriage. I joined a forum on BabyCenter for women who had miscarriages, in order to share my experience and ask my questions with women alike.

Jason and I decided to start trying to have a baby early in 2010 and sure enough our first try, we were pregnant! We were just about 6 weeks in and I couldn't contain my excitement, so we decided to tell our parents. It wasn't just a day later that we lost the baby. It was incredibly difficult, but I think I dealt with it much better than probably most women since I am in the medical field, and I knew that this baby just wasn't healthy enough to make it. I kept saying that God just didn't want me to have an unhealthy baby.

It sounded crazy but I wasn't willing to wait any time, I wanted a baby even MORE than before the first time. So we didn't waste any time and got right back to trying and sure enough, we were pregnant within a few weeks of the miscarriage. I was beyond excited but my worry most often outweighed the excitement.

At 12 weeks with this 2nd pregnancy, I had a terrible scare where I was bleeding and had to run right back to the ER. Jason and I held hands and wiped tears as we were sure that this again, was an unhealthy baby. I was incredibly nervous that I would be that girl who just had miscarriage after miscarriage. So being the annoying medical provider that is finally the patient, I refused every type of exam and demanded an ultrasound. The moment the ultrasound tech put the wand on my belly, she said "I saw a flicker!". I refused to get excited but sure enough, I took my hands off my eyes and looked at the screen, and a little ball of black and white was doing somersaults all over the screen! My tears of sadness turned into tears of joy in a matter of seconds! There was never an explanation for my bleeding and sure enough my rainbow baby is healthy and happy!

I have been watching Guiliana and Bill on the Style Channel and she has been sharing her miscarriage with the world in hopes to help out others. I also shared my story with my friends and family since miscarriage is much more common than most people think, and sure enough I have girlfriends and family members that all can relate.

Throughout the pregnancy I kept telling myself my worry would go away  each time I had an appt where I heard the heartbeat, or when I started to feel him kick, or when he got to the point where he could live healthy outside of the womb. Sure enough, just as people assured me, the worry never goes away. The moment he came into this world, you worry about so many things, but that is the price of parenthood and boy is it priceless.

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