Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Never Grow Up

When Austin was about 6 weeks old, I started a bedtime routine which included playing the same music every night before bed. For Austin, I chose Somewhere Over the Rainbow, the rendition done by Brother Iz. Even at my parents house before Austin goes down for a nap, I still sing that to him before I place him in the pack n' play. For Ava, I chose Never Grow Up by Taylor Swift. This song only fits how I am feeling right now.

Here are a few of the lyrics:

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything's funny
you got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

ChorusOh darling, don't you ever grow up
just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
it could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you
won't let no one break your heart
and no one will ever desert you
just try to never grow up
never grow up
I never thought I would feel this way about not wanting Ava to grow another inch. As a first time mom with Austin, I couldn't wait for him to complete the next exciting milestone. There were many times of frustration with so many questions. I felt anxious and stressed more than I thought I would with a baby. I found myself being ready to go back to work weeks before I was supposed to. I remember telling people that "I am just not a baby person". I thought all the frustration and guilt was because I had a baby. Boy do things dramatically change with a second baby. I feel comfortable and confident and I know she can sense that. I don't scour the internet searching for answers or call my friends with children to pole them about each and every little thing.

There are times I run into moms who have older children and they tell me they would give anything to go back to the days of waking up in the night and breastfeeding. I remember thinking they were crazy once I had passed that stage with Austin. Now, I completely understand. This is my last baby, and I can't help but cherish those night time moments where it's just me and her. She stares at only me.... wide awake with those big blue eyes.... often smiling now. Even though I am sleep deprived, I don't get frustrated that she isn't giving me a full night's sleep.

Having a toddler and a baby is having the best of both worlds. I have a little boy that can run around and play. He talks all day long and is learning so fast! I have a snuggly little baby girl that I can barely put down on the floor for tummy time. I love having a baby sleep in my arms again. I think having Ava has taught me a large lesson about living for each day and not wishing for the next moment to come along. I feel blessed to have two amazing children, and even though this seems so much easier the second time around, Jason and I have completed our family. Two children can be quite a handful and I can imagine it will get even crazier as I return to work full time in two weeks. So many people tell you how fast children grow up, and they couldn't be more right. How is it that life seems to speed up when you have babies?
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