Tuesday, April 5, 2011

the hardest thing I have ever done

Surely when I was in PA school, I thought to myself, this has to be the hardest thing I have ever done. The endless studying.... for test upon test upon test. Only then to go through those three years of tests, just so I could sit for another test, my boards.

But then of course, I had to choose a speciality where the physicians go to school for 15+ years. Once again, I thought, this is probably the hardest thing I have ever done. It has been over a year now that I have been in neurosurgery, while most physician assistants are comfortable and settling in by that time, every day is a challenge for me and there isn't a day that goes by where I felt like I knew it all. Not one case is alike and not every tumor, hemorrhage, or infarct acts the same.

But then of course, I truly feel like I have come across what seems to be the hardest thing by far, which is become a parent. Trying to meet Austin's every needs while bustling around the house, rushing through chores and getting ready for the next day, all while feeling as if I am missing out on something when he has to play by himself. It's easy to skip cleaning the house or even taking my time eating a meal because the more time I can spare, the more time I get to coo back at Austin.

Having a child absolutely changes everything. Before Austin, I could make up every excuse why getting up before 6 am was absolutely not happening. Now I get up at 5am just so I can start the morning routine. If I had 5 minutes before him, I would spend it staying up later or sleeping in just a tad longer, but now it's amazing how many things I can accomplish in 5 minutes because time is just that precious. I certainly have never felt so much love for a human being before and I can imagine that it just gets harder as he grows and changes. This face makes it all worth it......

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